A Tribute to My Best Friend

Life has been hectic with the holidays coming fast as I’m sure everyone else feels the same way. It’s harder to find time to escape and take new adventures lately with so much going on. With that being said, I somehow feel like I am close to finding a good balance in my life, I have a good feeling lately.

Anyway, outside of traveling, regular day to day life is full of anxieties too and I feel it is just as important to talk about those moments from time to time. I find that writing has become a good coping mechanism for me and my panic attacks. In the midst of one I pull out my notes tab on my phone and just write what I’m feeling in the moment, and focusing on that has allowed me to snap out of panic mode faster and I can look for ways to turn the situation into a positive once I’ve calmed down.

This brings me to my most recent panic attack. As a lot of people know, my best friend in the entire world, my companion, my pup named Scooby Doo was diagnosed with a heart condition earlier this year. He is so strong and is doing much better than his diagnosis predicted, but it has been a long hard road, especially these last few months. I wish I knew better how to explain what exactly is happening, but I don’t. All I know is with this diagnosis, even after all of his medications, he often has these coughing fits that cause him to vomit without warning. This happens many times a day and it is hard to keep up with. It’s messy. It’s stressful. I find myself getting frustrated with him. “Not on the couch again!!” Then I immediately get so angry with myself for getting mad at him because he has no control over it and he doesn’t feel good and I am a terrible human being for not having enough patience for it sometimes. Then I break down and sob like a baby and tell him I’m so sorry and spoil him with cookies. And he forgives me. Every time. Humans do not deserve dogs.

One morning recently after one of these events in the midst of my ugly crying, I got out my notes and started to write in hopes of channeling my thoughts into something positive.

"Having Scooby in my life has been the biggest blessing and yet one of the hardest challenges. Please don’t take that the wrong way. What I mean is no one prepares you for how hard it is to own a big dog, especially when you and your husband get one fresh out of high school and are completely uneducated about the breed. No one could prepare us for all of the vet bills and heartache we’ve faced. Luckily we are blessed enough to have been able to handle them all financially. But it has gotten harder as he’s gotten older, financially and emotionally. No one can prepare you for how hard it is to watch your best friend go from being a big, goofy, fun loving baby to a tired old man right before your eyes all too fast. No one can prepare you for the amount of furniture you go through or the millions of pounds of food. No one can prepare you to handle the endless possibilities of medical complications and diseases. It’s so hard caring for other living beings when you have a hard time figuring out how to take care of yourself. It’s hard not knowing what he wants or what I could do to make him feel a little better. "

Despite all of that, I wouldn’t change a thing. It has been a huge challenge, but it has also been the greatest gift. He has taught me so many things. He has taught me forgiveness, patience ( I still have a long way to go on that one) and unconditional love. He has turned so many ordinary things in my life into adventures. He has been by my side through every big life event in the last eight years. He helped my husband propose to me and he was there when we got married. He helped us through the losses of other loved furbabies and in welcoming new ones. He is too smart for his own good. He is so funny and sassy. He has changed my life. He makes everyone he meets smile. He has the sweetest soul. I can’t believe how lucky I am. Despite all of the hard, heartbreaking memories, I also have so many amazing ones. I am eternally grateful for him.