Inspiration

*Nerd alert*

I have been following the photographer Chris Burkard for a while now, I came across one of his landscape photos on Instagram and have been following his work closely ever since. I'm always checking his Instagram story to see what new adventure he is on next and living vicariously through him. I remember four weeks ago, sitting at my kitchen table crying to my husband about how lost I felt. About how I have wasted so much time being afraid and just existing. I took out my phone and showed him Chris Burkard's current Instagram story at the time. He was on a sailboat in Iceland shooting with a group, and I told my husband "That's what I want." That's all I've ever wanted. Traveling and photographing has always been in the back of my mind, but I've always been too afraid to try, and just figured I'd never be good enough anyway, let alone be able to pull it off. But it always comes back to photography for me, doesn't it? Then my husband said, "So do it." We had some money saved up; I just went through a significant life change that gave me the time to pull it off...

so that was it. No more being too afraid or making excuses. And I did it! I planned it over the course of a week, I drove fifteen+  hours a day across the country, I camped in the Grand Canyon in Arizona, and then I hiked Mount Zion in Utah, and then drove home. Though I had a friend travel with me, I did a lot of hiking alone. (Elevation sickness is an evil thing! I feel so terrible that she was affected by it.) And it was such an enlightening and empowering experience. I overcame so many fears and doubts, all on my own. I met so many people that I enjoyed talking to and a few who changed my life. I don't know their names, they don't know mine or how much they affected me, but they did. 

It just reaffirmed how badly that I want to travel, experience the world, and photograph it. I know it's going to be hard, but it's going to be worth it. I probably won't make any money. I'll probably struggle monetarily for a long time. But I can't keep pursuing things I'm not passionate about. I'm tired of this cycle. It's time to just go for it all head on, win or lose. 

Shortly after I got home from my trip, I found out Chris Burkard would be coming to Florida during his U.S. tour for his documentary "Under an Arctic Sky". I knew I had to go after everything that has happened in the past three weeks. It was just another one of the many uncanny, serendipitous coincidences that have happened, lately, that I had to see through. So many things during this time have felt like they were just meant to happen. 

The drive to Jacksonville was hard; I still had some mild PTSD from my road trip (specifically from the highway systems in Texas and the hail storm in New Mexico). Once we got into town, I had to pull over and let my husband David drive because I can't handle messy high way systems and sketchy big cities. It probably also didn't help that I hadn't eaten all day because I was saving my appetite for Davids favorite part of the trip - eating at Whataburger. Once we ate, I felt better, and then we headed to the library where they were showing the documentary. Once inside and we gave our tickets, we saw Chris there with his crew at a merch table. Seeing him there in person kind of made it that much more real; that these things I aspire to do are possible because he does them every day. (He nonchalantly said he's been to Iceland 28 times during his Q&A!!) I went to the table and picked up one of his books, and told him how he'd been a huge inspiration to me. He was super chill and sweet and offered to sign my book, and then I asked for a picture like a nerd.

His film was very informative and inspiring. The room was packed full of people with varying interests from surfing to photography. His documentary was about a trip he had been planning for years in order to find the perfect swell to surf in Iceland, and the trials and tribulations they faced getting there. When he finally found a connect (a captain) that would take him to this remote spot off the coast of Iceland, the captain gave him a week to get to Iceland and make it all happen. A week! And he did it. 

However, they never actually made it to the island they were hoping for due to weather complications, considering they encountered Iceland's worst snow storm in 25 years. But they found so much more than what they were looking for and overcame so many obstacles, and actually made history in the surfing and film industry along the way.

I'm not a religious person, but I've been to church a handful of times from sleeping over at friend's houses as a kid. You know that eerie feeling when the whole sermon feels like it is directed towards you and your life? That's how I felt watching his film and listening to his Q&A. It was so incredibly reassuring. I realized that he was just another human being who took big risks and chased his dreams and continues to every day. It made me realize I have to stop getting in my own way and stop believing that I can't handle the stresses and pressures of it all and that I would never be good enough. I have this awful habit of reading way into things and thinking stuff like "He started when he was 19 and is this successful at 31. I'm only a few years away from that. It's too late for me." Or, "How the hell am I going to find these remote places or even get there like he does?  And not die from panic?" And I have to remind myself; I'm not trying to be exactly like those who inspire me. My goal at the moment is to see the world, take photographs, conquer my fears, write about it and hopefully inspire other people while doing so. Getting featured in a magazine would be cool, but I have to take it one step at a time and stop thinking so far ahead and psyching myself out. I have to keep in mind what I learned from my road trip - I can do anything I put my mind to, as long as I believe in myself and never give up.