Limits


Today is the last day of our road trip. Needless to say, I am weary and feel defeated from all of the driving. In eight days, it feels like we have spent most of our time in the car. 
I thought trekking across the country and climbing a mountain and sleeping with nature would permanently empower me and I would leave a new woman, and let's face it, I did. But that doesn't make me indestructible, and it is okay to admit when enough is enough. I'm trying not to be bummed and disappointed with my decision to skip a few hours of touring the French quarter in New Orleans and heading straight home, but I have to remember what the girl in the mustard yellow shorts on top of Scout's Lookout in Mount Zion said to me: "I know my limits". And as hard as it is to leave here knowing how close I am to New Orleans and how badly I've always wanted see it, I have to remember how much I have already seen and done and accomplished this week. It's a lot. I have already made three dreams a reality in the last two weeks, I don't need to do them all in one go. I need to spread them out so I can enjoy them thoroughly and not get overwhelmed like I feel now. With the messy, unfinished high way systems and GPS issues in Texas that almost gave me a panic attack three different times, the hail storm in New Mexico that literally had me in a full blown panic attack, the sketchy roads through Louisiana, and missing my family - I think I'm ready to head home a few hours early. Not to mention that living off of ham sandwiches is probably also not good for my health and my body is so sore from hiking/sitting in a car for three days straight twelve hours at a time. 
So, no - hiking a mountain and randomly road tripping across the country didn't magically dismiss me from my anxiety disorder, but it did prove to me what I am capable of through it all. (Although if I'm being honest, hiking mount Zion was probably the easiest out of it all for me.) I can do whatever I put my mind to, as long as my mind is healthy and balanced. And I need some time to rest and recharge. To reflect on this experience before trying to squeeze in another. 

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