Samwise the Anxious: A Traveler's Tale

International travel. What can I say? I guess I'm not exactly an authority on it yet because this is only my second time, but I want to talk for a second about the hard part about traveling. The traveling part. It is brutal! At least for me . It's kind of like an endless loop through hell. Going through security is grueling for me because I get anxious and constantly check through my bags, even though I know I have nothing to be worried about. Then you sit at your gate for hours, walk around in circles because you don't want to be sitting any more than you already know you have to. I have to fight with myself not to stop at every Starbucks in sight. Finally, you hop on a plane for a few hours that doesn't have enough leg room or butt room and everything from the waist down is in pain or asleep. You attempt to sleep yourself but every time you nod off, your head bounces and wakes you back up. You finally land at your destination, only to go through most of those steps ...

Today is Sunday and I'm at the beach with two of my best friends. They are beautiful and the beach is beautiful and everything is good. And yet I feel off balance and distracted. I'm not sure if it's because of this stupid ear infection I've been fighting, but I am exhausted . I keep asking myself " What more do you wan t?" I have it good. Beautiful friends, a lovely, caring and giving husband, a cozy home, and a warm family. I have every opportunity to make my life what I want, which I am working on, so why do I feel so down lately? Why do I have to keep reminding myself to be happy? The mind is a funny thing, isn’t it? How is it that one day you can be completely motivated and driven to make things happen - whether it is to do the deep clean your house desperately needs, or it is taking steps towards making your dreams come true - and then another day you wake up and you barely have the motivation to get out of bed? It’s crazy that a stomach ache and a ...

*Nerd alert* I have been following the photographer Chris Burkard for a while now, I came across one of his landscape photos on Instagram and have been following his work closely ever since. I'm always checking his Instagram story to see what new adventure he is on next and living vicariously through him. I remember four weeks ago, sitting at my kitchen table crying to my husband about how lost I felt. About how I have wasted so much time being afraid and just existing. I took out my phone and showed him Chris Burkard's current Instagram story at the time. He was on a sailboat in Iceland shooting with a group, and I told my husband " That's what I want. " That's all I've ever wanted. Traveling and photographing has always been in the back of my mind, but I've always been too afraid to try, and just figured I'd never be good enough anyway, let alone be able to pull it off. But it always comes back to photography for me, doesn't it? Then m...

Today is the last day of our road trip. Needless to say, I am weary and feel defeated from all of the driving. In eight days, it feels like we have spent most of our time in the car.  I thought trekking across the country and climbing a mountain and sleeping with nature would permanently empower me and I would leave a new woman, and let's face it, I did . But that doesn't make me indestructible, and it is okay to admit when enough is enough . I'm trying not to be bummed and disappointed with my decision to skip a few hours of touring the French quarter in New Orleans and heading straight home, but I  have to remember what the girl in the mustard yellow shorts on top of Scout's Lookout in Mount Zion said to me: " I know my limits ". And as hard as it is to leave here knowing how close I am to New Orleans and how badly I've always wanted see it, I have to remember how much I have already seen and done and accomplished this week. It's a lot. I have...

We caught the sunrise over the canyon before packing up and heading to Utah. It was breathtaking . Everything was so still, like the world had stopped. If only it really did, so we could have had that moment for just a little longer. But life goes on, and we started our trek to Utah very tired, but very enlightened .  We arrived at our hotel in Springdale early in the afternoon, desperate for a shower and some down time to relax and recoup. The next morning, I'm eating breakfast solo at this hotel restaurant with a beautiful view of the massive Mount Zion, and I'm trying not to cry because I have literally made (one of) my dreams come true. I am that person I've always said I wanted to be . Like Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love. That person who comes to a point in their life where they don't know who they are anymore, lost in the ambiguity of living the life they think is expected of them; who then decides to pack up and travel without thinking or hesitation. Within...

I put the plan in motion . I opened my mind to the idea, and everything fell into place . I ended up having a friend who was able to come along! Within a week, I had all of our travel arrangements set and everything mapped out. We would be driving from Central Florida to Arizona and Utah to see the Grand Canyon and Mount Zion, and then all of the way back to Florida with a pit stop for a few hours to check out New Orleans, Louisiana. All in the course of eight days. We drove seventeen hours straight the first day and ended up in Fort Worth Texas ( not a fan ). Day two was fifteen hours and got us all of the way to Flagstaff, Arizona ( which I adored! ). The day after that we drove for about three hours into the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. It was like driving around on another planet. The landscape was so alien to us! Where we are from everything is flat, brown and green, so the foreign reds, oranges and steep hills and canyons were so incredible to see in person...

The earth and it’s nature are kind and beautiful. They listen and do not judge. They do not gossip. They take care of us and provide nourishment. They forgive, even with how awful the human race is to them - and to each other. They are peaceful. And I need to see it . I need to get this urge to see the world out of my system. Maybe if I do that, I will finally find peace in a simple life and no longer feel restless. I could find peace in settling down. Or not . Maybe it will open more doors. I do not know. But how am I going to know if I'm too scared to try? All I have ever consistently wanted from life is to travel and see the wonders of the world. To not be stuck where I have always been stuck. To experience and see for myself all of the beauty it has to offer. I want to hike mountains and canyons, I want to do (beginners)yoga at sunrise overlooking the ocean on a cliff. I want to sleep under the stars.  I have always found ways to put it off as if it could never happen. ...